For a Friend
December 3, 2006 by Peter Schellhase
Living picture of God’s grace,
With smile fit to dim the world;
In the beauty of your face,
Who can fail to see your soul?
Many shine by means of art,
And glamour favors some apart;
But your face glows with simple Joy,
Transcending charms of craft or ploy.
What is a face but stretched skin?
Oh, we are not mere living hulls,
But God-breathed, perfect human souls;
Your face shines out the Light shined in.
Sister, you are God’s dear child,
Never doubt the truth of this!
Keep that lovely, gentle smile
Till you rejoice in Heaven’s bliss.
PCS 03.06
If I can be so bold as to commnet on the structure of your poem:
Try using lines that have an odd number of sylables. They read better aloud.
Your rhymes changes:
1212
1122
1221
1212
Maybe it would work better with a change just in the last stanza or if a longer poem some repeating structure. This reads awkward aloud.
meaning? can you find a way to come back to an earlier thought and expand on it? People like to be able to find a transition in a poem, a thought that resonates with them and then later in the poem returns and enlightens them furthur.
David